Self Isolating Lazy Loafing Yobbo
EDITORIAL – DIFFICULT DAYS
We start this issue with some wise words from A. A. Milne (1882 – 1956) ………
"Today was a Difficult Day," said Pooh.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Piglet.
"No," said Pooh after a bit. "No, I don't think I do."
"That's okay," said Piglet, and he came and sat beside his friend.
"What are you doing?" asked Pooh.
"Nothing, really," said Piglet. "Only, I know what Difficult Days are like. I quite often don't feel like talking about it on my Difficult Days either.
"But goodness," continued Piglet, "Difficult Days are so much easier when you know you've got someone there for you. And I'll always be here for you, Pooh."
And as Pooh sat there, working through in his head his Difficult Day, while the solid, reliable Piglet sat next to him quietly, swinging his little legs...he thought that his best friend had never been more right."
A.A. Milne
Sending special thoughts to those having a Difficult Day (or week, or month) and hope you have your own Piglet to sit beside you.
🧡
CELTIC WOMAN – GOING HOME
We continue this edition with some more Irish music, courtesy of a mate who is ‘stuck’ overseas. It is allegedly about a soldier/farmer coming home after the end of the American Civil War and is walking across wrecked farmland with which he was “strangely familiar”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmNvFWFz-7g
ERIC BOGLE - THE BAND PLAYED WALTZING MATILDA
We move to another track that should have lots of meaning for lots of you ………….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnFzCmAyOp8
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
⦁ Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
⦁ Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
⦁ If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
⦁ Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?
(More) FOOD FOR THOUGHT
⦁ Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?
⦁ Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
⦁ Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
⦁ Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
⦁ Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
⦁ If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
⦁ Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
⦁ Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
⦁ Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
⦁ Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
- How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?
⦁ Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
⦁ Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
⦁ Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
⦁ And A FAVORITE:
⦁ The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK - then it's you!
REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!
And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!!
TOBY KEITH
A few issues ago I included a Toby Keith song that featured Clint Eastwood. The following two tracks are two of my favourite Toby Keith songs.
I hope you like them.
We Were In Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7K-c58CxCo
Dream Walkin’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GamEBPbHac
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? Do you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. At no extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on 'START.'
BIG HOLE
Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback and came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size and depth.
The first said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I woner how deep it is."
The second said, “There's an old gearbox over there. Let’s throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”
Despite it being very heavy, they picked up the gearbox, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.
As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.
They were so mystified by this that they stood staring at each other in amazement and peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.
Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you fellers didn't happen to see my goat?"
The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"
The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible! I had him chained to an old gearbox."
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.
Is there anyone who would love to get a phone call from you?
Please stay well and as happy as can be. The bear is after a cuddle.
*** End of Issue No 38 ***
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