C19 "Silly" Newsletter: Issue No 21

Soon I Live Like ‘Yobbos

EDITORIAL

Silly has reached 21. Who would have thought? I hope Silly retires in the 20’s – an indication that life is returning to some sort of normality.

It has been a great journey - to date. It has involved a lot of laughter. It has also involved some consultation as to whether some articles passed the “dinner table” test. I hope that the level of decorum has been OK.

Our TV is often the place that videos were displayed – usually with much mirth.
A huge thank you to all my contributors. Although there were many contributors, the bulk of the items came from a hand full of people.

COLLIWOBBLES

This is great entertainment, unless you are an AFL Collingwood supporter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycYpie31L0g

NED SANITISER

I was recently given, by my son-in-law, a bottle of NED Sanitiser, complete with my photo and “nickname” on the bottle.

NED Sanitiser is produced by the NED Whisky company in Melbourne. They have changed tack to help the C19 hygiene initiative. Feel free to check them out at:

https://nedwhisky.com.au/

So the plan is to use NED Sanitiser externally and NED Whisky internally. 12

WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH $100?

It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However the whole town is now out of debt and looks to the future with optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.

Two Major Leaders of the "Free World"?

THE QUEEN SINGS
“WE'LL MEET AGAIN” DAME VERA LYNN

https://youtu.be/c32wI4bDazc

FLEMINGTON RACES

Two female teachers took a group of students from grades 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Flemington Racecourse.

When it was time to take the children to the 'bathroom', it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry.

As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said, 'You must be in Grade 3?'

Image'No ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Black Caviar in the next race, but I really appreciate your help.’

THE EVILS OF DRINK

A drunk was staggering back from the pub one night when he came across a baptism taking place in the river. He wanted a closer look and hazily walked right up to the river bank. The preacher saw him and, seeing the inebriated state he was in, decided to save his soul!

He grabbed the drunk, plunging him into the icy water and praying in a loud voice! He lifted his head and asked "Now brother... have you found the Lord this day?" "No!" replies the man! The preacher , taken aback, plunges the drunk under the freezing water again.

After a time he lets the drunk up again, and asks in a louder voice if he has yet found the Lord!! To his horror the answer comes back again! "NO!"
Outraged the preacher puts him under the water for a third time and holds him there for a good minute or so! He drags the poor wretch out of the river and shouts "Now, my fallen and unredeemed brother... for the love of god, have you found the Lord?!"

The drunk replies..."No.... are you sure this is where he fell in?!"

THING ABOUT IT

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

⦁ A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
⦁ With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
ImagePolice were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
⦁ The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
⦁ He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.
⦁ When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
⦁ Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
⦁ If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
THE HUMAN RACE
A little girl asked her mum, “How did the human race appear?” Mum answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …”
Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mum and said, “Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!”

SPELLING

(Why people learning English can find it difficult.)

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpelnig was ipmorantt! Lte's sohw tihs to the bsos so he wno't crtizicie our wrok so mcuh!

FURNITURE SHORTAGE

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitating, he dictated, “...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

THREE SHORT JOKES

1. Two vultures board an aeroplane, each was carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
3. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

ENGLISH

When you rearrange the letters:
⦁ PRESBYTERIAN : becomes BEST IN PRAYER
⦁ ASTRONOMER: becomes MOON STARER
⦁ DESPERATION: becomes A ROPE ENDS IT
⦁ THE EYES: becomes When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE
⦁ THE MORSE CODE : becomes HERE COME DOTS
⦁ DORMITORY: becomes DIRTY ROOM
⦁ SLOT MACHINES: becomes CASH LOST IN ME
⦁ ANIMOSITY: becomes IS NO AMITY
⦁ ELECTION RESULTS: becomes LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
⦁ SNOOZE ALARMS: becomes ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
⦁ A DECIMAL POINT: becomes I'M A DOT IN PLACE
⦁ THE EARTHQUAKES: becomes THAT QUEER SHAKE
⦁ ELEVEN PLUS TWO: becomes TWELVE PLUS ONE
⦁ AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
⦁ MOTHER-IN-LAW: becomes WOMAN HITLER