SORRY I Love Lampooning ‘Yokes
EDITORIAL
This issue
was delayed by one day so that I could comment on the news from our Victorian State Premier,
Dan Andrews.
We now know
that, as from Wednesday (tomorrow), we are able to have small family gatherings
and small sporting-type activities. So loved ones can again be a part of our
lives. Does this mean babysitting?
The recent
testing of 161,000 Victorians produced 30 positive results – to prove that
the insidious virus is still out there among us. Those 30 people did not know
that they had the virus – until they did the test, and got the result.
It does mean
that the “Silly” will continue, at least until the end of May – access to material
permitting.
Be good and
stay safe.
RUBY
TRANSFORMATION
A
reader has submitted photos of the transformation of Ruby – pre-C19 and now.
Ruby is currently not a fan of cold weather.
AMANDA’S GARLIC
The following photo shows Amanda’s garlic heading for the stars. Stay tuned….
GREAT LAWN BOWLS SHOT
Something
to aspire to here folks:
THERAPEUTIC IDEA FROM A READER
To take the edge of self-isolation I
bought a facial disguise to wear. When I feel a bit down I put it on and go to
the bathroom look in the mirror and have a long conversation with a complete
stranger. I do all the talking.
GOLDEN
OLDIES. 😂😂
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
- A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
- I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- When chemists die, apparently they barium.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
- Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
- All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded the dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off !
QUIZ
Some hurdles, but an average
intelligence should suffice.
1.
How many birthdays does the average person have?
2.
Some months have 31 days, how many have 28?
3.
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his
widow’s sister?
4.
Divide 30 by ½ and add 10.
5.
How much earth is in a hole in the ground, one
metre deep, and one metre square?
6.
Which 2 odd numbers multiplied together equal 7?
7.
Is there a 4th of July in Norway?
8.
If you have 10 apples and you take 3 away, how
many do you have?
9.
How many animals of each sex did Moses take on
the Ark?
10. A
farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
Answers below somewhere…..
MAYBE NEIL DIAMOND
Maybe check these out:
IDLE THOUGHTS
·
Do twins, triplets, etc. ever realize that only one
of them was planned?
·
What if my dog only brings back my ball because he
thinks I like throwing it?
·
If poisons had an expiry date; are they more
poisonous or no longer poisonous, after the expiry date is reached?
·
In the word "scent" which letter is silent the “S” or the “C”?
·
In the English language, why is the letter “W”
called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
·
Could it be that oxygen is slowly killing you and it
just takes 75-100 years to fully work?
·
Every time you clean something, you must make
something else dirty.
·
The word "swims"
upside-down - is still "swims".
·
Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, and
scissors is just as hard as trying to win.
·
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the
rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
·
Have you realised that your future self is watching
you right now through memories.
·
If you replace
"W" with "T" in "What, Where and
When", you get the answer to each of them.
·
If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer
holes in it than there were before.
·
If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we'll just call it
"2's Day". (It does fall on a Tuesday)
ASDA PIZZA COMPLAINT
This is priceless. Watch it until the end…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SL3e6L9Kd0
ONE LINERS FROM BOB HOPE
On his deathbed they asked Bob Hope where he wanted to
be buried. He replied: "Surprise me."
------------------
ON TURNING 70 - "I still chase women, but only
downhill."
------------------
ON TURNING 80 - "That's the time of your life
when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
------------------
ON TURNING 90 - "You know you are getting old when
the candles cost more than the cake."
------------------
ON TURNING 100 - " I don't feel old. In fact, I
don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
------------------
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER (BOXING) - "I
ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them."
------------------
ON GOLF - "Golf is my profession. Show business
is just to pay the green fees."
------------------
ON PRESIDENTS - "I have performed for 12
presidents but entertained only six."
----------
--------
ON WHY HE CHOOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER - "When I
was born, the doctor said to my mother, congratulations, you have an eight
pound ham."
------------------
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL - "I
feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight
it."
------------------
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY - "Four of us slept
in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
------------------
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS - "That's how I learned to
dance. Waiting for the bathroom."
------------------
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES - "I would not have had
anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
------------------
ON GOING TO HEAVEN - "I have done benefits for
ALL religions. I would hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
------------------
Learn from yesterday, live for today, keep one hand on
your wallet and don't worry about tomorrow.
------------------
KEYBOARD DANCING
The following link provides something different. It is worth a look:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BDUVh0j-y4
If you liked that, try this one …….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjRRkaJjbSc
ANSWERS
TO QUIZ ON PAGE 2 & 3
1.
Just one!
2.
All 12
3.
No – because he
is dead
4.
70
5.
None
6.
1 and 7
7.
Yes, it comes
after 3rd of July
8.
The 3 you took
away
9.
None. Moses
didn’t have an Ark, Noah did
10.
9
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a
good listener. 😊
The bear is after a cuddle. 😊😊 😊
*** End of Issue No 20 ***
No comments:
Post a Comment