C19 "Silly" Newsletter: Issue No 8 - Tuesday 7 April 2020

Such Instantaneously Lovely Learned Yakking

EDITORIAL

Hello again. Shirley and I HAVE completed our first two weeks of (near) self-isolation. I have not been to Bunnings in that time – a huge achievement in itself. However, we have successfully completed our first online shopping for groceries, greens, pharmacy stuff and printer ink. We even have a second online Woolworths order due on Saturday (yes, Saturday).

I have also had my first ever online doctor consultation. Just the results of my annual health check. The main result of that is that I need to start drinking a better quality of red wine. I think I can cope with that one. I am limited to two glasses per day, and that is OK as I usually only use one per day. I need to have no alcohol on two days per week. I have decided that it will be tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. 😊

The bad news is that we have nearly run out of outside jobs to do. The good news is that the arrival of autumn (in our neighbourhood) means that leaves are starting to fall. This provides for two activities:

1. Sitting in a chair and counting them as they fall.
2. Picking them up; at least the ones that fall on our side of the fence.

We also have a tree on common land that loves autumn, so we have a second big tree to manage (if we feel so inclined).

I may have to put the car battery on to a charger soon, if I do not get to go for a drive. I am guessing that the RACV is going to be busy, at some stage, looking after people who have a battery that is near it used by date.

Shirley and I are doing OK, as we have each other, a yard to sit/work/play in, and retirement income - and we are healthy. This is a lot better than many of our fellow country-folk. Yes, we are confined to home (self-imposed), but we are keeping active - physically and mentally.

Editor Chris

EXTRACT FROM LOCAL PAPER

The following was taken from a local paper in southern England and provided by one of my cousins.

HOME SCHOOLING (Cont.)

My mother taught me about RECEIVING - "You are going to get it from your father when he gets home!"

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE - "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

My mother taught me ESP - "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My father taught me HUMOUR - "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT -"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS - "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM - "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

My father taught me about JUSTICE -"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

COMPUTERS – MALE OR FEMALE?

Please click on the following to get the results of a thorough study:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1QoFSQ50H0

IT’S TRUE

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London, which used to have gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung.

The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''.

If he said YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD. If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON.

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Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

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The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

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In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old''.