C19 "Silly" Newsletter: Issue No 7 - Sunday 5 April 2020

SUNDAY IS LARGELY Loafers YAWNING

EDITORIAL

Hello again. I love the name of SUNDAY SILLY, so it had to happen, even though an edition was released only yesterday.

Historically, Sunday is the day for reflection. Some like to do their reflection in church, some like to dine with family, and some love their own company in their own back yard. The last option is the most viable at the moment. Why not grab a cuppa and a biscuit and reflect how lucky we are? I know many have lost jobs, some may lose homes or businesses, and some may lose people that they love (or already have).

However, those of us who are lucky enough to “call Australia home” are “in a good place”. Yep, Shirley and I had to cancel our South Africa trip and a caravan trip north seems unlikely. But we are OK.

We have multiple levels of government working overtime on our behalf. I for one believe that they are doing a great job. I am not sure about some of the press though.

So, let’s use that cuppa and biscuit to reflect on whether there is someone out there who needs a phone call, or an email, or a bunch of flowers. It will not cost you much to give it a bit of thought – just time.

If you are in a sports club or a social club, or even a drinking club, maybe consider who is at risk.

So, read on and enjoy the Sunday Silly.

Editor Chris

TOM JONES

The following is a new version on an old Tom Jones song. It is well worth a listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BryllYufO2A

JOKE
An Irishman was constipated and visited the doctor, who prescribed a tablet and told him to go home and stick it up his back passage.

Two days later Paddy returned, and said, “Well doc, when I got home last Thursday I realised I didn’t have a back passage, so I put it on the back porch.

For all the good it did me, I might as well have put it up my rear end!”

SOME ACTUAL WRITTEN REPORTS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS:

· On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

·             The patient has been depressed since seeing me 2 years ago.
·             The patient has no previous history of suicides.
·             She is numb from her toes down.
·             The pelvic exam will be done later the floor.
·             Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
·             Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

QUIZ

Answers to the following are two rhyming words. (e.g. funny bunny), are provided below.
1.           Coloured vegetable.
2.           Single ice cream container.
3.           Ponderous tax.
4.           More satisfactory communication.
5.           Better boat.
6.           Second male sibling.
7.           Cowardly male.
8.           Translucent lachrymal product.
9.           Indolent flower.
10.        Large volcanic depression.
11.        Steady piece of furniture.
12.        Wealthier baseball player.

TRUMP Donald Trump was once heard to comment: “There are 3 kinds of people – those who can count, and those who can’t count.”

MURPHY’S LAW
·             Never eat prunes when you’re famished.
·             The chance of a slice of bread falling with the butter side up, is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
·             A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
·             The other line always moves faster.
·             When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
·             An unwatched pot boils immediately.
·             People who snore are always first to fall asleep.

PAT & SAM – THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT

Please click on the following to hear some great music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNcAs1iW-Us

POEM

I'm normally a social girl
I love to meet my mates
But lately with the virus here
We can't go out the gates.

You see, we are the 'oldies' now
We need to stay inside
If they haven't seen us for a while
They'll think we've upped and died.

They'll never know the things we did
Before we got this old
There wasn't any Facebook
So not everything was told.

We may seem sweet old ladies
Who would never be uncouth
But we grew up in the 60s -
If you only knew the truth!

There was sex and drugs and rock 'n roll
The pill and miniskirts
We smoked, we drank, we partied
And were quite outrageous flirts.

Then we settled down, got married
And turned into someone's mum,
Somebody's wife, then nana,
Who on earth did we become?

We didn't mind the change of pace
Because our lives were full
But to bury us before we're dead
Is like a red rag to a bull!

So here you find me stuck inside
For 4 weeks, maybe more
I finally found myself again
Then I had to close the door!

It didn’t really bother me
I'd while away the hour
I'd bake for all the family
But I've got no bloody flour!

Now Netflix is just wonderful
I like a gutsy thriller
I'm swooning over Idris
Or some random sexy killer.

At least I've got a stash of booze
For when I'm being idle
There's wine and whiskey, even gin
If I'm feeling suicidal!

So let's all drink to lockdown
To recovery and health
And hope this bloody virus
Doesn't decimate our wealth.

We'll all get through the crisis
And be back to join our mates
Just hoping I'm not far too wide
To fit through the flaming gates!

MARRIAGE (PART I)

Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said: 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

MARRIAGE - THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5 am.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 am and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5 am. Wake up.'

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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
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QUIZ ANSWERS:

1.           Green bean
2.           Lone cone
3.           Heavy levy
4.           Better letter
5.           Finer liner
6.           Other brother
7.           Yellow fellow
8.           Clear tear
9.           Lazy daisy
10.        Greater crater
11.        Stable table
12.        Richer pitcher.

PLEASE REMEMBER

That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.

Please stay well and as happy as can be.
The bear wants a cuddle & a smile. 😊