C19 "Silly" Newsletter: Issue No 4 - Tuesday 31 March 2020

SILLY -Staying inside loving life yippee

EDITORIAL

Hello again. I think the image below says it all.

For those of you who live in the north east suburbs of Melbourne and use Facebook, maybe check out the FB page of our local state member Vicky Ward to see the number of infections in our area.

I am trying to provide enough for you to read and stay on the correct side of decency. I apologise in advance if any of the content of these newsletters offends.

My aim is to amuse, not to upset people.

You should be able to add comments to this blog, if you so choose. Look at the bottom of each issue.

Editor Chris

MADE ME SMILE 😊

The following words were penned by a reader – the sister of a neighbour of ours. Thanks Lyn.

Another week of isolation,
As we bunker down around the nation.
Lots of time to eat and drink,
watch tv, cook up a storm.
As we ponder how long 'til we're back to our norm.
But take heart my friends
here's Chris to the rescue
As he publishes his Silly to entertain you.

BAD TIMES FK

Our stocks crashed, we get less than 1% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is falling. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down-turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldn’t be much worse judging by this:

1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.

3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her.

7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.

8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.

9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally; I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

MORE SILLY MEANING

Staying inside loving life yippee

Such Instantaneous Lovely Little Yarns
Sanity Inducing Liberating Laughing Yarn

TRUE STORY FROM JOHN CW

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Susan to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch each day in the Men's Grill at the Golf Club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way,she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break, when she was only half-finished mowing the front lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. . I tell her to fix herself a nice big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susan. I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some may even find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and a little less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I'll consider that writing it was worthwhile.

After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE: John died suddenly of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer lying nearby.

His wife Susan was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that John, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

A hole in one so to speak!

THE BEATLES – I GOTTA WASH MY HANDS

If you click on the following link you will get a very funny version of my first favourite Beatles song. Someone is very clever!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxOJ7hh3H-I

SEEN ON A SHOP DOOR JC

OFFICE HOURS

Open Most Days About 9 or 10.

Occasionally as Early as 7, But Some Days.
As Late As 12 or 1.
We Close About 5.30 or 6.
Occasionally About 4 or 5, But
Sometimes as Late as 11 or 12
Some Days Or Afternoons, We
Aren’t Here At All, and Lately
I’ve Been Here Just About All The Time,
Except When I’m Someplace Else,
But I Should Be Here Then, Too.