Although getting close to the end of the Silly, we
still have a few editions left. Incoming new material is starting to dry up,
and that is fine, as it indicates to me that people have a more active life.
As I have said before the duration and quality of the Silly
has been due to the high number of contributors and for that I am really
grateful.
As the vaccine starts to roll-out most of us are getting
about a bit more often. Holidays are being planned and caravans are being
serviced.
Please be COVID safe in all that you do. The vaccine is
here to help – not provide a reason to drop our guard.
MUSIC
DION
(Runaround Sue & The Wanderer)
Some readers will remember
Dion from the early 1960’s. You may enjoy the following videos or you may just
enjoy the hair-styles, or maybe you will be amused by the (lack of) exuberance
of the crowd – until the end of the songs.
PRETTY
WOMAN – ROY ORBISON
The
following video is taken from the “Black & White Night” album by Roy
Orbison. As you enjoy the music try and identify the supporting/backup artists
who are “big names” in their own right. You may identify people such as Bruce Springsteen, Tom Waits, Elvis Costello, Jackson Browne, k.d. lang and Jennifer Warnes. There are others.
This YouTube video leads in to other tracks on the same Roy O
album. The third track is “In Dreams”, one of my favourite Roy O tracks. Enjoy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PLq0_7k1jk
NOSTALGIA – Part 4
A British couple sleep inside a "Morrison shelter” used as
protection from collapsing homes during the WWII 'Blitz' bombing raids. March
1941.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT – PART 3
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“But the fact that some
geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are
geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the
Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” – Carl Sagan
“My favourite machine at the
gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea
“All right everyone, line up
alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel
“He who laughs last didn’t get
the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle
“I always arrive late at the
office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
“Don’t worry about the world
coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
“By the time a man realizes
that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.” – Charles Wadsworth
“A day without laughter is a
day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
“Political correctness is
tyranny with manners.” – Charlton Heston
“High heels were invented by a
woman who had been kissed on the forehead.” – Christopher Morley
“If you love something set it
free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.” – Chuck Palahniuk
“When I was a boy I was told
that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” – Clarence Darrow
“A stockbroker urged me to buy
a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t
even buy green bananas.’” – Claude Pepper
“They say marriages are made
in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood
“I’m too drunk to taste this
chicken.” – Colonel Sanders
“A study in the Washington
Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to
the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’” – Conan O’Brien
“Laughing at our mistakes can
lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” – Cullen Hightower
“If you can’t live without me,
why aren’t you dead already?” – Cynthia Heimel
“If you think you are too
small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“Remember, today is the
tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie
“Education is learning what
you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” – Daniel J. Boorstin
“It is a scientific fact that
your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s
plate.” – Dave Barry
WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH
- AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE
Bubba had shingles.
Those of us who
spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem
more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly
line?
Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the
receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down
his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and
asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height,
weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining
room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba
what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a
blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his
clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba
sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want
me to unload 'em??'
You gotta laugh!
|
An Elementary School Teacher had twenty-six students in her class. |
Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders,
6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses - Until they
stop running.
2. Strike while the - bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before -daylight
saving time.
4. Never underestimate the power of - termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but - how?
6. Don't bite the hand that - looks dirty.
7. No news is - impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a - mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new - math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll - stink in the
morning.
11. Love all, trust - me.
12. The pen is mightier than the - pigs.
13. An idle mind is - the best way
to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's - pollution.
15. Happy the bride who - gets all the
presents.
16. A penny saved is - not much.
17. Two's company, three's - the
Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what - you put on to
go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry
and - you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as - Stevie
Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not - spanked or
grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed - get new
batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you - see in the
picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind - get out of
the way.
25. A bird in the hand - is going to
poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than - Pregnant.
AUSSIE INGENUITY
How good is this ...
A combined BBQ & Beer Cooler. This, surely, is Aussie
engineering at its very best!
When you're finished barbequing and the ice has melted, just pull the handle
and the fire goes out.
Is this a great country, or what?
NEW ELEMENT SYMBOL Gv
Just a
little Maths/Science for you. Whoever wrote this hit the nail on the head! This
will make your day. It is so clever and true.
Oxford University researchers have
discovered the densest element yet known to science.
The new element, Governmentium
(symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by
forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it
is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with
which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a
reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4
years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2
to 6 years.
It does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will
actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as a critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium
becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much
energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many
morons.
FROM THE MOUTHS OF CHILDREN – PART 1
1. A
nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't
move'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later.......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and
keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in
or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor
in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down,
the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone, 'Yes,
and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'
CARPENTERS PENCIL
Do you know why a carpenters pencil is flat and not round?
Well, read on:
1.
A flat pencil will not roll down a
sloping piece of wood or other material. It stays put.
2.
It is a measuring guide as its
width is ½ an inch and its thickness is ¼ of an inch.
3.
It can be sharpened into a
“scribe” point that allows a scribe line to be drawn to show where that
piece of wood needs to be cut.
4.
The lead can be sharpened to have
a blunt end to better mark bricks and concrete.
Check out the following for more information:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAsSOnU0jqk’
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener. 😊
Please stay well and as happy as can be.
The bear is after a cuddle..................
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