INTRO
Goodbye 2020 and welcome to 2021. However, it has started on the wrong foot – particularly in NSW and Victoria. Let’s hope that all is well very soon.
PROMOTING OZ
I hope you like this – I do. Very poignant at the moment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WP-39Qq4OQc
LUCILLE
This is very clever…………
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9AUimciN-g
CANCEL 2020 – OR NOT?
The following is a poem by a freelance writer, Leslie Wright, who challenged the notion of the frightfulness of this year and the wish that 2020 was cancelled. She wrote:
“What if 2020 isn’t cancelled?
What if 2020 is the year we’ve been waiting for?
A year so uncomfortable, so painful, so scary, so raw
– that it finally forces us to grow.
A year that screams so loud,
finally awakening us from our ignorant slumber.
A year we finally accept the need for change.
Declare change.
Work for change.
Become the change.
A year we finally band together,
instead of pushing each other further apart.
2020 isn’t cancelled,
but rather the most important year of them all.”
*********************
Food for Thought?
Q. Who can drink five litres of petrol without getting sick?
A. JERRY CAN
SNOW PLOUGH
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say ………..
“We are going to have 4 to 6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even number side of the street so the snow plough can get through”.
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast the radio announcer says “we are expecting 6 to 8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd number side of the street so the snow plough can get through”.
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again when the radio announcer says “we are expecting 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park ……..”
Then the electric power goes out ………..
Bob's wife is very upset and with a worried look on her face she says “honey I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park so the snow plough can get through?”
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says “why don't you just leave it in the garage this time”.
SOUND OF MUSIC | CENTRAL STATION ANTWERP (BELGIUM)
More than 200 dancers were performing their version of "Do Re Mi", in the Central Station of Antwerp. with just 2 rehearsals they created this amazing stunt! Those 4 fantastic minutes started the 23 of march 2009, 08:00 AM. It is a promotion stunt for a Belgian television program, where they are looking for someone to play the leading role, in the musical of "The Sound of Music".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k
QUIZ
All the questions below have a connection with golfing terms:
⦁ Used in a laundry.
⦁ Inexperienced.
⦁ A musical work.
⦁ Once used for timing.
⦁ Sits behind the wheel.
⦁ A favourite drink.
⦁ Entire.
⦁ A receptacle.
Answers somewhere below……………
ROD STEWART - CHRISTMAS LIVE AT STIRLING CASTLE 2012
Some like Rod Stewart, some don’t. I sit on the fence. It you watch the whole 50 minutes you will hear Kylie Minogue and Michael Buble. If that does not impress you fast forward to the 42nd minutes and hear Rod sing Silent Night. It that fails, then grab a Stones CD and chill out……………………….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpdx_zdoa_Y
For those of you who enjoyed Rod Stewart, click on the next link to hear him Live From The Troubadour 2013. If you have given up on Rod please move to the dirty jokes on the next page. If so, don’t complain if you miss some great music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a50mkecnZxU
SIGNS
These signs are from Indian Wells in the US.
TRAVELING WILBURYS
THE TRUE HISTORY OF THE TRAVELING WILBURYS DOCUMENTARY
Have you ever wondered how the Travelling Wilburys got together. If so, please click on the following link……….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUQ_gj-biIc
MORE INTERSTING SIGNS
In a Bangkok Temple - It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.
A cocktail lounge in Norway - Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
A doctor's office in Rome - Specialist in women and other diseases.
Dry cleaners in Bangkok - Drop your trousers here for the best results.
In a Chinese restaurant - Open seven days a week and weekends.
A Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations - Guests are requested not to smoke, or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant - Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In a Japanese bar - Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
A Croatian hotel - The flattening of underwear with pleasure, is the job of the chambermaid.
A hotel in Osaka - You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox monastery - You are welcome to visit the cemetery, where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily, except Thursday.
A Thai advertisement for donkey rides - Would you like to ride on your own ass?
An airline ticket office in Copenhagen - We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a Chinese jewellery store - Please don’t touch yourself, let us help you to try out. Thanks!
Pam Ayres - They Should Have Asked My Husband
If you know and love Pam Ayers this will cause a good laugh – even for the blokes……….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oydSZTAns
If you like that try this one………..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhdaYCPvnKM
A RECIPE
Something different. You might like to try this recipe!
COVID 19 EYE TEST
A man visits his optician. The optics are set up in front of his eyes and he is asked "what can you see?"
"I can see pubs shut, football played in empty stadia, livelihoods lost, plans put on hold, key workers who are nearing exhaustion, and worst of all, frightened people who are isolated from their loved ones at a time of desperate need".
"Well", replied the optician,
"at least you have got 2020 vision"...
QUIZ ANSWERS
⦁ Used in a laundry - Iron
⦁ Inexperienced - Green
⦁ A musical work - Score
⦁ Once used for timing - Sand
⦁ Sits behind the wheel - Driver
⦁ A favourite drink - Tea (tee)
⦁ Entire - Whole (hole)
⦁ A receptacle – Cup
Two birds sat on a perch.
One said to the other, “Do you smell fish?”
DAD JOKES
I know that section this will cause many to shudder – particularly my daughters. Please be content that you survived 59 issues without very many Dad Jokes. Now it is time to introduce a set with each issue. Here we go……….
⦁ My wife woke up just now. She was dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She was Tolkien in her sleep.
⦁ Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
⦁ What kind of noise does a ⦁ witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
⦁ What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
⦁ Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
⦁ How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
⦁ Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
⦁ What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
⦁ What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
⦁ What do you call it when a group of apes starts a company? Monkey business.
⦁ My wife asked me to stop singing Wonderwall to her. I said maybe…
⦁ What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
⦁ What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
⦁ Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
⦁ What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
⦁ What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
⦁ My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
⦁ Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
⦁ Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
⦁ What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
⦁ What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
⦁ Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
⦁ How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
⦁ My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
⦁ Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
⦁ When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
⦁ Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
⦁ Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
⦁ What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
⦁ What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
Don’t complain. More next issue. I have 155.
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.
Please stay well and as happy as can be. The bear is after a cuddle.
No comments:
Post a Comment