EDITORIAL
Every day brings us approximately 24 hours closer to the end of lockdown. There is cause for optimism at the moment – but not complacency.
The “new normal” seems to be the “new normal” way of describing our new world. Let’s get back to what we can, when we can, and as safely as we can.
Please look after yourselves and your loved ones.
AMANDA’S GARLIC
The forest of garlic at Amanda’s place is looking better every day. It should, as it gets plenty of TLC.
A PRIEST, A RABBIT AND A MINISTER
A Priest, a Rabbit and a Minister came into a bar.
After serving the Priest and the Minister the barman looked down and said to the Rabbit, "What'd ya want?"
The Rabbit replied, "Nothing thanks - I'm only here because of a Spellchecker.”
MUSIC TIME
Keith Urban and Pink
For something a bit different have a listen to Keith Urban and Pink singing One Too Many. Note the interesting form of travel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy1rAn9MLtQ
Keith Urban - You'll Think Of Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2en4ofkt1eo
Neil Diamond - I Am, I Said
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCcaP5z4xbg
Glen Campbell - Gentle on My Mind
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETkzK9pXMio
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
A contestant on " Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1 million. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor, B) the buzzard, C) the cuckoo,
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... Her friend was, well, blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy.
The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving the question master any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said the question master.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, the question master said, "That answer is .... Absolutely correct!! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
PADDY
Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Finney. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Paddy said, 'Why would you say such a mean thing?
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly , it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
BLACK HOLE
The following video should make you smile…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5_Msrdg3Hk
PROVERBS FROM DIFFERENT COUNTRIES
Some wisdom for you to ponder…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p0SpEGIOxI
SALLY AND LEMONS
Sally Mulligan of Paddington NSW decided to take one of the jobs that most Australians are not willing to do. She applied for a job in a lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job.
She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Adelaide and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you; have you had any actual experience in picking lemons ??"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said. "I've been divorced three times, owned two Jeeps, voted twice for Labor, and once for Clive Palmer.”
She started the following morning.
Your Mission - by Ellen M.H. Gates – (1865)
If you cannot on the ocean sail
among the swiftest fleet,
Rocking on the highest billows,
Laughing at the storms you meet;
You can stand among the sailors,
Anchored yet within the bay,
You can lend a hand to help them
As they launch their boats away.
If you are too weak to journey
Up the mountain, steep and high,
You can stand within the valley
While the multitudes go by;
You can chant in happy measure
As they slowly pass along--
Though they may forget the singer,
They will not forget the song.
If you cannot in the harvest
Garner up the richest sheaves,
Many a grain, both ripe and golden,
Oft the careless reaper leaves;
Go and glean among the briars
Growing rank against the wall,
For it may be that their shadow
Hides the heaviest grain of all.
If you cannot in the conflict
Prove yourself a soldier true;
If, where fire and smoke are thickest,
There's no work for you to do;
When the battle field is silent,
You can go with careful tread;
You can bear away the wounded,
You can cover up the dead.
Do not then stand idly waiting
For some greater work to do;
Fortune is a lazy goddess,
She will never come to you;
Go and toil in any vineyard,
Do not fear to do and dare.
If you want a field of labor
You can find it anywhere.
************
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine.
If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.
Is there anyone who would love to get a phone call from you?
Please stay well and as happy as can be. The bear is after a cuddle.
*** End of Issue No 45 ***
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