EDITORIAL
Although COVID appears to be on a pleasing downward trend, there is a long way to go. I know from discussions that some people are struggling, and some are OK – and many are in between.
If you are not OK, please ring a friend.
If you get such a call, please organise a couple of people to call that person back.
Our best chance of getting on top of this scourge is to be good for the next few weeks – at least.
Please be good and think of others who may not be quite so fortunate.
HALLELUJAH - ECUADORIAN BROTHERS
This piece of music was too good to not stop the presses and get it into this issue at the very last minute. Just beautiful!
https://www.chonday.com/40930/incredibly-peaceful-ecuadorian-brothers-play-hallelujah/
THE REAL BOOGIE MAN – STEVIE JOHNSON
Please click on the following to get some foot tapping music………
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHmmid1pLi8
ISOLATION ABBA MEDLEY - THE STARLETS
Hopefully, the following will give you a smile.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOXtKOziD6M
Understanding Engineers 1
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
SOME DEFINITIONS
ADULT - A person who has stopped growing at both ends. And is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR - A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS - The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST - Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST - Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF - Cold Storage.
INFLATION - Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO - An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN - A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET - Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON - A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE - The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW - One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
YAWN - An honest opinion openly expressed.
And MY Personal Favorite...
WRINKLES - Something other people have. Similar to my character lines.
PLEASE DON’T DO THIS AT HOME
Watch the master to see how to break a brick in half……..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YH7D37xPrQ8
MORE ONE LINERS
1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.
3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.
9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
13. I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
17. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
18. My wife's working in a bowling alley. Ten pin? No, permanent.
19. I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing 'I'm A Believer'. Then I saw her face.
20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
21. Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.
22. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
23. I was walking the dogs the other day when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air. Not sure where they went, but I've got some leads.
24. Did you know that owls can't breed in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
25. When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down
26. Dad: I’ve just been diagnosed with Tom Jones syndrome. Mum: Is it common? Dad: It's Not Unusual
27. Police just caught a man stealing 50 helium balloons. They had to let him go.
28. I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey, but I turned myself around. And that's what it's all about.
29. I'm giving up spray deodorants at the end of the year. Roll on 2021
30. If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.
CONTEMPORARY KIDDING
🦸🏻♂- Not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself entering a Bank, wearing a mask and asking for money.
✋🏻🤚🏻- Never thought my hands will one day consume more alcohol than my liver...ever!
💀- Quarantine seems like a Netflix series...just when you think it is over, they release the next season.
😷- I’m starting to like this mask thing...went to the supermarket and two people that I owe money to didn’t recognize me.
Image 📆- Who was complaining that 2020 didn’t have enough holidays...now what?
😜- I need to social distance myself from my fridge; I tested positive in excess weight!
👨👩👧👦- Can someone tell me if the 2nd quarantine will be with the same family... or we can change?
🖥- In just two weeks we will hear if there still two more weeks to let us know that two more weeks of quarantine are needed...
⏳- I’m not planning adding this 2020 to my age...I didn’t even use it!
😟- We want to publicly apologise to the year 2019 for all the bad things we said about it.
🙎🏻♀- To all the ladies that were praying for their husbands to spend more time with them... how are you doing?
🚰- My washing machine only accepts pyjamas...I put a pair of jeans and a message came “stay home”!😷🏠
Image👀- If I see anyone on December 31 crying for this year ending, I will use a bottle on their head!
💉- After all that we have been through, the only thing missing is that the vaccine will be available only in suppository form.
👨🦱👩🏼🦱- I feel like a teenager... no money in my wallet, hair long and out of control, thinking what to do with my life, and grounded home.
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.
Is there anyone who would love to get a phone call from you?
Please stay well and as happy as can be. The bear is after a cuddle.
*** End of Issue No 40 ***
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