EDITORIAL - 50th Issue
The first Silly was released on 25th March. It was a rush of blood with the knowledge that I would probably not be doing a travel blog of travels to places remote in Oz – not to mention a “locked in” May 2020 trip to the land of the “Big 5 Animals” – southern Africa.
The name sort of came from my frame of mind, and a desire to have a name that was a bit different and a bit Silly.
Some of it has been Silly, some has been funny, some has been serious, some may have been on the edge, and some was maybe entertaining.
The music came mid journey and I hope you like that addition – and maybe some of the selections.
I hope you have enjoyed the journey. We are not at the destination yet – but we hope that we are close.
I would like once again to thank the contributors to the Silly – some frequent and voluminous, some less so. All have been greatly appreciated. Some did not get published, thanks to tight censoring standards.
If you have enjoyed getting the Silly maybe try 1% harder to reach out to someone who is struggling – or ring someone and tell them that you are struggling and need a chat.
Music
In recognition of 50 issues I looked for some 50th anniversary music. This is what I found. Quite Silly really.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY6HKESdZDk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOVvDQ7aoxA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1zM5WF1NF0
We finish with the top hit of 1950 - Nat King Cole - "Mona Lisa".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv8h_pqp6Zs
Please don’t throw rocks in our front window – we have moved.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - The Danish National Symphony Orchestra
Have you ever wondered what instruments were used in creating the theme to this movie?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enuOArEfqGo
God's Wife & Other Stories About Children
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the Contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was:
1. A four-year-old child, whose next-door neighbour was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's' yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.'
*************
***************
2. Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different hair colour than the other members. One of her students suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, 'I know all about Adoption, I was adopted..'
'What does it mean to be adopted?', asked another child.
'It means', said the girl, 'that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy!'
************************
3. On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base-ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was 'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile.
'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.'
'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet.'
************
**********
4. Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.
On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. 'Guess what, Mom,' he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me....'I've been chosen to clap and cheer.'
*************
5. An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's reply.
Image The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.
'Are you God's wife?'
***********************
THE ART COLLECTOR
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector, called and asked to speak to his client. “Saul, I have some GOOD news and I have some BAD news”
The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million. And I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."
ARE YOU INTO SCRABBLE?
This has got to be one of the most clever emails I've received in a while. Someone out there must be "deadly" at Scrabble.
When you rearrange the letters……………..
PRESBYTERIAN: Becomes: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: Becomes: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: Becomes: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES: Becomes: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: Becomes: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE: Becomes: HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY : Becomes: DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES: Becomes: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY: Becomes: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: Becomes: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: Becomes: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT: Becomes: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: Becomes: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: Becomes: TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW: Becomes: WOMAN HITLER
Hmmmmmmmmmm!
Maybe a few repeats here……..
1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
His last battle.
2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom of the page.
3. River Ravi flows in which state?
Liquid.
4. What is the main reason for divorce?
Marriage.
5. What is the main reason for failure?
Exams.
6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.
7. What looks like half an apple?
The other half.
8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become?
Wet.
9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
No problem, he sleeps at night.
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
Very large hands.
12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall is already built.
13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
AN AMAZING 2 LETTER ENGLISH WORD - UP
A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
Did that one crack you UP?
Now I'll shut UP!
Joke 1
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.
That's humerus.
Joke 2
Not to brag, but I just went into another room and I actually remembered why I went in there.
It was the bathroom, but still ...
Joke 3
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll ya have?"
The rabbit replies, "I dunno. I'm only here because of Autocorrect."
Joke 4
An arrogant London lawyer is driving in Glasgow, runs a stop sign, and is pulled over by a local copper. This conversation follows
Cop: "License and registration please."
Lawyer: "What for?"
Cop: "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer: "I slowed down and no one was coming."
Cop: "Ye didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration please."
Lawyer: "What's the difference?"
Cop: "Ye have to come to a complete stop. It's the law"
Lawyer: "Show me the legal difference between stop and slow down. If you can, give me a ticket. If you can't, let me go without a ticket."
Cop: "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The lawyer gets out.
The cop takes out his baton, proceeds to hit him repeatedly and says –
"Dae ye want me to stop or just slow down?"
NO SOCIAL DISTANCING IN MONTY
The following photo was taken from our back deck last Friday.
MUSIC
We have had this before, but I love the track and I am the editor. I could not imagine a better blend of two generations.
Ok, I am biased, but I am declaring my preferred style of music.
So please enjoy a Perfect combination of the skills of Andrea Bocelli and Ed Sherran.
EPILOGUE
I have always wanted to write an epilogue and here is it.
I hope you have enjoyed the 50 issues of Silly. I hope for all of our sakes that there will not be many more. I will do what I can for as long as I can and there is a need (in my mind anyway).
If you can’t be good, please be safe.
If you can, please help at least one other person – even one phone call can help.
Chris
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.
Is there anyone who would love to get a phone call from you?
Please stay well and as happy as can be. The bear is after a cuddle.
