EDITORIAL
As Victoria struggles with (what looks like) a second wave of COVID, a number of us are hoping that state borders are opened before our departure north.
However before we can consider such trips we need to get COVID under control in Melbourne. The lock-downs that were announced yesterday are maybe just the first step. Let’s hope that they work.
At the end of the day our favourite destinations will still be there next year, ready to be enjoyed even more if we miss out this year.
So let’s all knuckle down and try to support each other as our leaders struggle to appreciate which is the best path to take.
Be good and stay healthy. I finish with the image just below.
Chris
R&R
Shirley and I have taken up short term residence in central Victoria, on 20 acres owned by our daughter & son-in-law. It is 7am as I do a last minute update to the Silly and wait for a sunrise photo.
The first is still going from last night and has been restocked with wood. Many kangaroos graze close by. It is a peaceful spot.
MUSIC
Lovers of Cat Stevens (or Yusuf) may care to click on the following link:
WEAPONS
Some time ago, a high school teacher was arrested at Sydney’s Kingsford-Smith International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At the press conference, the Attorney General said he believed the man was a member of the notorious extremist Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the AFP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns;" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, Federal Opposition Leader Bill Shorten said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
Fellow Labor colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Opposition Leader.
The Final Exam
At Wollongong University, there were four students taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go to Sydney and visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to the Uni until late Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tyre and found there was no spare in the car. As a result, they missed the final. The Professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved.
They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought!
Each one in separate rooms thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written... For 95 points: Which tyre went flat?
WHY?
1 ... Why - do men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
BECAUSE
When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right! And that's where women's buttons have remained since.
2 ..WHY - do ships and aircraft use 'mayday' as their call for help?
BECAUSE
This comes from the French word m'aidez - meaning 'help me' - and is pronounced, approximately, 'mayday.'
3 .. WHY - are zero scores in tennis called 'love'?
BECAUSE
In France , where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it 'love.'
4 .. WHY - do X's at the end of a letter signify kisses?
BECAUSE
In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
5 .. WHY - is shifting responsibility to someone else called passing the buck'?
BECAUSE
In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck,
from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.
6 .. WHY - do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
BECAUSE
ImageIn earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host's glass with his own.
7.. WHY - are people in the public eye said to be 'in the limelight'?
BECAUSE
Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer 'in the limelight' was the Centre of attention
8 .. WHY - is someone who is feeling great 'on cloud nine'?
BECAUSE
Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.
9 ..WHY - golf, where did the term 'Caddie' come from?
BECAUSE
When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game 'golf.' He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her. In French, the word cadet is pronounced 'ca-day' and the Scots changed it into caddie.
10 ...WHY - are many coin collection jar banks shaped like pigs?
BECAUSE
Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.' When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig. And it caught on.
BIG CHEEKS
Bet you don't know "Big cheeks". A grandson of slaves, a boy was born in a poor neighbourhood of New Orleans known as the "Back of Town." His father abandoned the family when the child was an infant His mother became a prostitute and the boy and his sister had to live with their grandmother.
Early in life he proved to be gifted for music and with three other kids he sang in the streets of New Orleans. His first gains were coins that were thrown to them.
A Jewish family, Karnofsky, who had emigrated from Lithuania to the USA, had pity for the 7-year-old boy and brought him into their home. Initially giving 'work' in the house, to feed this hungry child. There he remained and slept in this Jewish family's home where, for the first time in his life, he was treated with kindness and tenderness.
When he went to bed, Mrs. Karnovsky sang him a Russian lullaby that he would sing with her. Later, he learned to sing and play several Russian and Jewish songs.
Over time, this boy became the adopted son of this family. The Karnofskys gave him money to buy his first musical instrument; as was the custom in the Jewish families.
They sincerely admired his musical talent. Later, when he became a professional musician and composer, he used these Jewish melodies in compositions, such as St. James Infirmary and Go Down Moses.
The little black boy grew up and wrote a book about this Jewish family who had adopted him in 1907. In memory of this family and until the end of his life, he wore a Star of David and said that in this family, he had learned "how to live real life and determination."
You might recognize his name. This little boy was called: Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong.
Louis Armstrong proudly spoke fluent Yiddish! And "Satchmo" is Yiddish for "Big Cheeks"!
PADDY FINDS A SANDWICH
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin? Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef".
ARMLESS & LEGLESS
Mick and Eric are two Aussies working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Eric quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Eric goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". Eric couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
A couple more days go by and Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw. So Eric again puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising". And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Eric puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead." Eric is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in." "No", says the nurse, "Some dopey bastard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.
PLEASE REMEMBER
That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener.
Please stay well and as happy as can be.
The bear is after a cuddle.
*** End of Issue No 30 ***
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