C19 "Silly" Newsletter: Issue No 16

SENSIBLE ITALIANS LOVE LEMONS YELLOW

EDITORIAL

Last weekend, for some fun, I did a Google search on “C19 Silly Newsletter” and was surprised to find that the top two items identified the blog that displays this newsletter.

So, you don’t need to remember the blog address. You just need to do a search of “C19 Silly Newsletter”. 😊

GARLIC

Shirley and I have a daughter, Amanda, who loves her veggie garden and garlic. She has combined the two loves to plant (for the third year in a row) a stack of garlic cloves. 412 garlic cloves were planted on 23rd April – 6 varieties – there are more to come.

Amanda's Cat-proof Garlic Garden

We will use the Silly to provide you with updates as the garlic plants appear and grow. She is safe from vampires. Stay tuned.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2020 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family
is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone
to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the
bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile… : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are
going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

WE LOVE THE IRISH

There was a power failure in a Dublin Department Store last week and three hundred people were stranded on the escalators for more than two hours.
...........................................
"O'Leary, your glass is empty, will you be having another one?"
"And what would I be doing with two empty glasses?" O'Leary replied.
.....................................
Young Teresa came home with some dreadful news. "I'm pregnant" she cried.
"And how do you know it's yours ?" shouts her father
.......................................
PADDY: "Hey Shaun, what's Mick's surname?"
SHAUN: "Mick who?"
.....................
Nothing here?
....................
PADDY: "If you can guess how many pheasants I've got in me bag you can have both of them".
SHAUN: Three.
........................................
Mrs Murphy said: " I don't tink me husband has been faithful to me".
"Why's that?" said Mrs O'Toole.
"Me last child don't look anything like him".
.............

.......................
Mrs O'Toole said: "I can only tell you this bit of scandal once, because I promised Mrs O'Leary I would never repeat it"
..........................................
Shaun and Molly sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their conjugal relations to arrive.
..........................................
Murphy had a rope hanging from a tree in his garden. Shamus asked him what it was for.
"It's me weather guide" said Murphy. "If it's swinging back and forth, it's windy and if it's wet, it's been raining.
............................................
Murphy was told by the doctor he had two weeks to live so he chose the last week in July and the first week in August.
.....................
Colleen dropped a Euro coin, intending it to fall into the blind man's hat on the pavement, but missed. As quick as a flash, he scooped it up and put it in the hat. "You're not blind" she said. "No I'm not" said Paddy, "Its Murphy whose blind. I'm just filling in for him while he's gone to the pictures".
........................

..................
"We're looking for a Treasurer for the Xmas fund", said Paddy.
"Didn't you take on a new one last month ?" said Murphy.
"That's the one we're looking for", Paddy replied.
............................................
Father O'Flaherty asked Mrs O'Reilly how many children she had. Four was the reply. "That's a good Catholic woman you are, and when will you be having the next?" he asked. "I'm not Father", she replied. "I read that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese".
........................................
The Dublin pensioners club go on a mystery tour every Wednesday and, to make it interesting, they have a sweep to guess where they are going. Shamus, the coach driver, has won five weeks on the trot.

SIGNS

Over a Gynaecologist’s Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
--------------------------
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
--------------------------
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
--------------------------
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
--------------------------
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
--------------------------
On a Church Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
--------------------------
At a Tyre Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."
--------------------------
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
--------------------------
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
--------------------------
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
--------------------------
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
--------------------------
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
--------------------------
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
--------------------------
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
--------------------------
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
--------------------------
In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
--------------------------
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
--------------------------
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
--------------------------
And don't forget the sign at a
RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

PLEASE REMEMBER

That laughter is the best medicine. If you cannot laugh try to phone a friend, particularly one who is a good listener. 😊

Please stay well and as happy as can be.
The bear is after a cuddle. 😊

Is there anyone who would love to get a phone call from you? Please stay well and as happy as can be. The bear is after a cuddle. 😊